The 3 Secrets of Happiness

the 3 secrets of happiness
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3 secrets of Happiness that can change your life

by Kris Kemp (bicycledays@yahoo.com)
© 2017

Happiness. Is it possible to find?

Everyone seems to be searching for it.

How does one find happiness, and continue to find happiness in life? 

Can happiness be preserved, enabling us to open it like a jar of jam? Or, does it remain elusive, something that comes and goes, like the wind?

I believe that anyone can find happiness.

I’m happy, and there’s a few things that I incorporate in my life that keep me happy. I’ll be sharing them with you here.

Here are 3 secrets to happiness that can change your life.

1. Always have something in life to look forward to.

Always have something in life to look forward to. This could be as simple as looking forward to meeting a friend for dinner, enjoying a delicious meal, hearing their latest stories.

It could be watching your favorite NetFlix show, by yourself, while eating takeout.

You can turn your morning commute into something pleasurable simply by changing what you listen to.

source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFG5m6NH2v8

source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ_3IWGocP8

Putting on some music that makes you happy. Putting on a podcast that teaches you something new, about human behavior, about a breakthrough in technology that can allow you to save 10 hours a week.

Always have something in life to look forward to, and this will put you in a positive state.

Once you’re in a positive state, you’ll see things in a different way because

    things will be in a different way.

When you change your energy, the energy around you changes as well. So remember, always have something in life to look forward to.

+++++++

I want you to do something, right now.

Are you sad, depressed, irritated, annoyed, frustrated, worried?

If you feel this way, I want you to get a sheet of paper, or you can open a text file on your computer or phone, and type in why you feel “sad” or why you feel “depressed” or why you feel any-of-these-other-emotions. Once you’ve written this down, make a few dashes, then write what you’re going to do about “that feeling”, what action you will take to remedy, to change, this feeling, this situation.

Now that you’ve written down the “feeling” and “what you’re going to do about it”, I want you to fold up the piece of paper, or save and close the text file, and forget about it.

Take a deep breath. Relax.

Think about something that you are looking forward to doing. If you have nothing in life that you are looking forward to doing, well, plan something you’d like to do.

Think about that how you will feel when you’re doing that fun thing, enjoying that delicious meal or drink. 

Think about how good it will feel being with your friend, being by yourself, watching that movie, reading that book, taking that nap, going for a swim.

Relish in the feeling that you will be feeling when you are in that activity. Let that feeling sink in and relax your entire body.

Feel yourself relaxing. Feel yourself getting lighter.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Remember: Always have something in life to look forward to.

It’s easy to replace that “something in life to look forward to” with “someone in life to look forward to”. Doing this however, places our happiness on the shoulders of someone else, which can put a burden on them, one that they feel they shouldn’t have to bear.

This leads us to our number 2 on our list.

2. Don’t expect the sun to rise and set on anyone else’s shoulders.

Unless they are the shoulders of this guy …

Kidding. 🙂 I heard he has anger management issues.

Don’t expect the sun to rise and set on anyone else’s shoulders. If you do, you’re likely to end up disappointed or disillusioned or both.

Media, particularly movies, have led us to believe that all our problems will be fixed when we meet “the one”.

via GIPHY

source: https://giphy.com/gifs/lalaland-l3vQWNHXOZzdMnIL6/embed

Some of you are laughing.

Maybe you’ve experienced this personally.

You met “the one”.

You met that perfect guy in college — smart, handsome, in great shape, a good family, well-educated, in line to work a 6-figure job at well-known tech company. 

You dated, fell in love, and eventually got married. It was great, the wedding, the honeymoon, purchasing your first place together.

But now, it’s 20 years later. That guys 6-pack has turned into a keg.

And that thick blond hair he had, that you loved running your fingers through? Well, it went South for the Winter. It’s been a long Winter, and it’s not coming back.

And the job? The company he was working at (he even moved up to Vice President) went bankrupt. Since then, he’s been working juggling two jobs: part-time teacher at the local community college and part-time Home Depot worker. You’re embarrassed.

It’s not all bad, though. You’ve got two lovely kids, and you do love him, but the fire’s gone out. Things have changed. He’s turned into a stranger. You’ve changed, too.

Expectations came and went. 

You feel stuck. You’re bored. And it’s all his fault!

To further complicate things, there’s this new guy at your job who’s been flirting with you. He’s in his late twenties.
You’ve been going to lunch together. He wants more. You appreciate the attention but he wants to meet outside of work. You’re tempted, by the fruit of another. (Note to Eve: Don’t eat the fruit.)

source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ba-as5t8Y

(Don’t do it. Don’t cheat. Run. A short fling ain’t worth the 20-year investment of marriage and your children. Don’t hurt your family. Don’t hurt your kids. Be responsible.)

But you feel so special when he gives you attention! Oh, those feelings!

This is why people cheat. Because it adds an element of danger, it adds excitement into their life. It prevents boredom. And most people will do anything to prevent boredom.

Why? Because most people, I would venture to say almost everyone, is chasing a feeling. And this—chasing a feeling—when it’s done in an illegitimate fashion, such as cheating, will lead to someone getting hurt.

I’m going to tell you something that you might not want to hear. But what you want and what you need are two different things.

It’s your fault. It’s all your fault.

Feel stuck? It’s your fault.

Quit blaming your husband. Quit blaming your boyfriend. Quit blaming her. Quit blaming your wife. Quit blaming your girlfriend. Quit blaming her.

Quit blaming them. Quit blaming other people.

It’s not them. It’s you.

Change yourself. If you try to change other people, you are still bringing your “same self” to the environment, to the situation, and you are likely to attract the “same type of person”. Think about it.

Change yourself. Change yourself, first.

Change yourself, and the entire world will change around you.

Take action. Action eliminates fear.

Action eliminates fear.

Do one new thing—one new action step—that will bring happiness into your life.

Quit depending on that person, place, or thing to make you happy.

Only you can make you happy.

Remember, the sun doesn’t rise and set on any one else’s shoulders except your own.

Quit expecting other people to bring you happiness.

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

What about standards? Can you have standards? Yes.

Raise your standards for yourself, before you raise them for anyone else. The combination of taking action and raising the standards for yourself will bring happiness into your life.

Remember: Don’t expect the sun to rise and set on anyone else’s shoulders.

If we do get caught up in the belief that another person can make us happy, it’s likely that we are being emotional rather than logical. This leads us to number 3 on our list, which underscores the importance of feeding our emotional hunger.

3. Understand that everyone’s chasing a feeling.

Everyone’s chasing a feeling. Sometimes, you are like everyone else, chasing that feeling.

Knowing this, you can understand that feelings fluctuate and, because of that, you might not always feel happy. For these moments, give yourself permission to feel unhappy.

No worries. No problems.

Feelings fluctuate. They come and go.

These unhappy feelings, like little birds, will fly away, into the forest, to search for food, because these little birds are chasing a feeling to, a feeling of fullness they get when they eat something delicious.

The same feelings you get when you’re drinking your favorite beverage, snacking on your favorite snack, when you see the mile-meter switching to 3 miles on the treadmill odometer at the gym.

Hollywood, movies, TV, the entertainment industry knows this: that everyone is chasing a feeling. They rake in billions of dollars giving people a feeling … of excitement, sorrow, laughter, tension, and more.

The job of a good screenplay is to elicit a feeling. A well-written screenplay, if turned into a well-made, well-produced movie, will elicit feelings. This is what we pay for when we go to the movies: feelings. Thus the phrase “that movie took me on an emotional rollercoaster”.

Hollywood is in the business of selling you a fantasy. Why? Because everyone’s chasing a feeling. And Hollywood knows this, so we pay $20 dollars to sit inside a big room with the lights out to passively sit and watch a movie for 2 hours. Because it gives us a feeling.

What does this have to do with you? I will tell you.

Everyone’s chasing a feeling. Use this to your advantage. How? By giving them that feeling.

Find out what the carrot is that they are chasing. Determine the feeling they will get when they get the carrot. Give them that feeling.

Now, let’s go a bit deeper.

No one cares about the carrot. They care about the feeling they will get once they get it. This is the difference between “means values” and “ends values”.


If you ask a woman want she wants in a guy, the typical response might be “tall, dark, and handsome”.

Let’s go further with this.

Ask the same woman: “How will it make you feel when you’re with a guy who’s tall, dark, and handsome?”

I’ve done this many times and the answers are usually the same.

“If he’s tall,” the girl explains, “it makes me feel safe, so I feel safe. If he’s dark, there’s a sense of mystery to him, and it’s exciting, because it’s like he’s a puzzle that I have to solve. And if he’s handsome, it makes me feel pretty.”

At this point, I ask them: “How does it make you feel pretty if your guy is handsome.” She pauses, searching for the right words, then slowly reveals the answer. “It makes me feel … like I’ve been chosen, like I’m special.” 

Here, the means-values are “tall, dark, handsome”. The ends-values are “safe, mysterious (exciting), special (chosen)”.

What’s interesting is that the means-values reflect his physical appearance, his persona, his character. The ends-values reflect the way that she feels.

She, like most people, is chasing a feeling.

Have you ever seen a beautiful woman and their with an average-looking guy?

You’re probably thinking, “What is she doing with him? He must have a lot of money, or be a producer promising to put her in a starring role.”

Perhaps he does have a lot of money or he is a producer.

Then again, maybe it’s none of these.

Maybe he gives her the ends-values she is looking for. Despite the fact that he is not “tall, dark, handsome”, he makes her feel “safe, mysterious (exciting), special”.

How? Maybe he knows karate (tall/safe), works a secretive military job (dark/mysterious/exciting), makes her feel special (handsome/special)

Where am I going with this?

Everyone is chasing a feeling. Understand this. For yourself and others.


You are not everyone. But, you are, at times, going to be chasing a feeling. Feelings fluctuate. So, understand that you may not be happy all the time. Give yourself permission to be unhappy.

When that unhappiness, that itch, that restlessness rises to the surface like a simile-volcano-of-descriptive-adjectives, like the Ranch dressing you use to turn that salad into a swimming pool of creamy delight, see it for what it is—those unhappy feelings are based on a feeling. And feelings fluctuate. They come and go. So, don’t make rash decisions based on a feeling.

You can change your feeling in an instant.

How?

By changing your state.

Change your physical state and the feeling (emotional) will follow. This is biology. How do you do this? Simple. By taking action.

Dance to your favorite 80’s song.

Tell that special someone how you really feel.

Grab a cup of coffee at your favorite coffeehouse.

Take a cold shower.

Go for a walk.

Tell that girl that you you love the way she styles her hair.

Do something.

Take a risk. Be brave. Take action.

Action eliminates fear.

Onward, my friend.

That’s it. The 3 Secrets of Happiness are …

1. Always have something in life to look forward to.
2. Don’t expect the sun to rise and set on anyone else’s shoulders.
3. Understand that everyone’s chasing a feeling. Feelings fluctuate. Knowing this, you will allow yourself to feel sad.

Let’s go over these 3 Secrets of Happiness again

source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA8z7f7a2Pk

1. Always have something in life to look forward to.
If you don’t have something in life to look forward to, what’s the point of living? Find something, anything, to look forward to doing. If you’re at a job you hate, you can look forward to going home and taking an online course to get a job that you’ll like. If you’re unhappy in your present state, think about what you’re going to do when you have some free time. It can be something simple. Often, the simplest things are the best things. They’re like hinges on a door that opens to new possibilities.

2. Don’t expect the sun to rise and set on anyone else’s shoulders.
Your happiness is your responsibility. Unhappy? Take action. Otherwise, you’re wasting your time and wasting other’s people time by blabbing about it.

Look, I’m not trying to be hard on you, I’m just being honest. I understand you’ve fallen into a pothole, but it’s time to see it for what it is—a pothole. It’s not San Andreas Fault. It’s your fault. Ba-dum-dum. Unless your name is San Andreas. Ba-dum-dum.

Take action. Action eliminates fear.

Rise above. Rise above the noise and chaos and drama.

Take action. Raise your standards. Rise above.

You can do it.

3. Understand that everyone’s chasing a feeling. Including yourself. Feelings fluctuate. Feelings come and go. Knowing this, understand that it’s almost impossible to be happy 100% of the time. Knowing this, you can give yourself permission to feel sad. Trust the process. Feelings come and go. You don’t have to stay in that “one feeling”. Things do get better.

Personally, I feel that I’m happy most of the time. I think I’m happy because I’m moving in the direction of my dreams, by writing (novel, ebooks, musical), putting together creative projects (musical, music video, movie), and encouraging other people to find their passion, pursue their passion, and move in the direction of their dreams as well.

At the end of the day, there is noise and drama and chaos all around us. We can wallow in it, complain about it, and let it affect us, or we can rise above and build a better world, one in which our dreams do come true. Let’s rise above. Let’s build that world.

Onward, my friend!

yes,
Kris Kemp
🙂

P.S. If you enjoyed this free ebook course, and want further help, feel free to reach out to me at: bicycledays@yahoo.com with your requests. I do life coaching and a number of other things. My rates are reasonable and I am willing to work within your budget. I’m here to help you, so don’t be shy. Talk soon.

P.P.S. There might be one little thing getting in the way of you reaching your dreams. And perhaps you’re so deep in your situation, you’re unable to see that one little thing. If you need an additional pair of eyes, I’m here for you. Reach out to me at: bicycledays@yahoo.com

About me
Hi. My name is Kris Kemp. For the past few years, I’ve had an interest in why people do what they do. This led me to study NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) by founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder, and the work of self-help teachers Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins and others. Currently, I’m living in Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York, and am developing websites based around my creative projects (novel, musical, ebooks, music projects, making money online).

For the last few years, I’ve been really happy. I’m a writer, actor, musician, and currently work as a BackGround (BG) actor aka “extra” for film (movies) and TV shows in the New York City area. I don’t really care about acting, but BG acting is simple and fun and there’s free food on set. My job is to show up and be obedient. And because the sets are in different locations, I get to see interesting places in The City (NYC), amazing churches, the interior of the United Nations building, Brooklyn Bridge Park, and other places. Being a BackGround actor is like being at summer camp with creative people of all ages. And being in holding (where extras hang out between takes — often, this is a church, as they are empty throughout the week), is like being in “The Breakfast Club” except, instead of 5 people, there’s 150 people. Being a BG actor gives me a lot of free time to do what I really enjoy: creative projects.

My real enjoyment comes from writing and playing music. I’ve written a few ebooks (Flip Florida Land, The Shift Diet, How to Travel Europe for $1.50 a Day or Less), a novel (the rails), several screenplays (The Last Pizza Delivery Driver on Earth, the rails, The Lost Orange, jordy), and a musical (Dumpster Diver the musical). I also enjoy helping people. If you feel stuck in life, have questions you need help answering, need life coaching, or a guiding hand, reach out to me at: bicycledays@yahoo.com

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About kris kemp 19 Articles
Hi. I'm a writer, musician, photographer, traveler, real estate investor, and the author of 3 ebooks, a novel, 2 musicals, 5 screenplays, and a collection of journals. Although I have a variety of interests, they share the common theme of freedom--time freedom, health freedom, financial freedom, emotional freedom, spiritual freedom. Subscribe to my website and get treats to your inbox.

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